Ok, so Chico and I went to visit Eddie, and we met him watching a blockbuster starring Audu and Zel, doing what they do! We tried to pry him away from the movie but as journalists would say, 'all efforts proved abortive'!
Ok, since we couldn't get him to listen to us, Chico called Koko (cos she's got the magic) and true to word, as soon as she stepped into the room, Eddie paused the movie! 'Finally we can start our meeting', I said.
What were we meeting about? The 'Do They Know It's Christmas event. I mean, we know it's Christmas but do 'they' know? How will orphans, the destitute, prisoners, etc spend/celebrate Christmas? Is it going to be just another day on the calendar (and 25th this year is a Friday so they might not even eat rice.....for you mortals in the 'eat-rice-only-on-Sunday-afternoon families)! now, if your phone 'suddenly' started ringing, you suddenly want to pee, or you have this burning desire to leave your screen so you don't see the rest of this, you're an........alaroro!
Ok guys, seriously. Do They Know has over the past few years held events to celebrate with people who cannot do so on their own. This Christmas, we (you and me) are doing it for orphans and vulnerable kids. This is how we are going to do it.
1. DO THEY KNOW COCKTALE. Holds on the 13th of December (Sunday) by 6pm @ Aqua Club, Sheraton Hotel...it promises to be a night you won't forget (except you do vodka, tequila, gin, and schnapps immediately after)! We have performances by the finest - M.I, Jags, Lindsey, Ice Prince, Inspirologos, El Jo, you name it, they'll be there! There'll also be an auction with lots of twists only Chocolate city can bring. Tickets go for 5k (for one), 50k (for five), and 100k (for 10 but we wouldn't mind if you came alone)!
2. DO THEY KNOW CHRISTMAS PARTY! Holds on the 19th of December (Saturday) at Durban Neighborhood park Wuse 2 (the park housing Oriental Express). Children from eight orphanages will be brought to this park to have fun, play, eat and.....wait for it....receive/gifts wrapped in the traditional green and red Christmas colors!
Sounds like a lot of work abi? I know, that's why we all need to pitch in!
a. bloggers - lets write, talk, 'create the buzz' (White Rabbit's favorite phrase)
b. On Air Personalities - hype o! Please hype on your shows, morning, afternoon, night!
c. Journalists - 'the pen is mightier than the sword' abi? Lets see you guys do your thing!
d. 'Upwardly mobile peeps' - show your swagger by buying tickets for your friends, family, loved ones, enemies, even for Mr. President! (my way of saying I hope he gets better soon)...
e. Bankers, students, Priests, Imams, shop owners (and managers), moms, dads, kids, everyone can do something.
Abuja, Lagos, Nigeria, STAND UP! LETS TELL THEM IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
P:S -did I tell you that while we were at Eddies, Matilda and Debbie brought us drinks? And our darling Iember took us back to our homes...... thanks guys!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
why animals are as good as (if not better) than humans..
Ok, the following facts are courtesy Rita Mae Brown, I saw them on CNN's website, and as the Fairy Godsister (who is almost extremely fond of animals), I decided you should see it.....ok?
Your dog is a great food tester. If she won't eat it, you'd better not either.
No cat snores as loudly as a human.
Your cat, dog, horse or bird doesn't care if you're young or old, rich or poor, fat or thin. She loves you just as you are.
No animal has ever tortured himself by trying to be perfect.
No herd of horses or pack of hounds will ever ask you to clap your hands in unison. Nor will any animal -- even in front of a TV camera -- introduce another as "the lovely and talented ..."
Humans routinely breed past the food supply. Most animals are too smart to do this.
Some animals are monogamous. Some are not. They accept their fundamental natures. When it comes to humans, the kindest way to approach this is to understand that monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.
Animals do not pay for sex.
Animals cannot damage the water table. Humans are doing this all over the world even as you read this.
No animal is ever a hypocrite.
A cat doesn't care if another cat is black or white, so along as she catches mice.
A dog may steal from you but will never lie to you.
Given their unbelievable olfactory powers -- humans have about 6 million scent receptors; a dog has about 110 million -- your dog can smell friend or foe. Your dog knows who is sexually attracted to you and vice versa. You dog knows when you are about to have a heart attack or an epileptic seizure. They can even smell illness in you even before doctors catch wind of it (i.e. cancer). The point is, trust your dog.
You can also trust your cat concerning most of the above examples as long as you realize: Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
A dog would not allow another dog to eat if it weren't in on the hunt. In the animal world, you have to pull your weight. Dogs and cats recognize mental illness in humans. Many of them can deal with it. Many of us cannot.
Horses can work well with a physically compromised person. They are very giving animals.
We are medium-size animals who survived and then flourished by hunting in packs, by cooperation. A horse is a large animal. The journey from your mind to a horse's mind is the longest journey you will ever take.
If successful, it will be one of the strongest bonds of both of your lives, one you can never really explain to another human who has not made the journey. It is a bond of deep emotional richness.
No animal will ever correct your grammar. Given that service dogs have a vocabulary of 300 or 400 words, this shows remarkable restraint on their part.
An animal knows when she is dying. However, she does not carry around the notion of her individual death. This, I believe, is the true gap between us and other sentient creatures. It is the root of our discontent, denial and search for escape.
Personally, I believe death is a greatly overrated experience. Much of it irritates me. I know when the good Lord jerks my chain, I'm going.
Animals remember. They have some concept of the simple past, but they live triumphantly in the present. Few of us do.
Most animals have a sense of humor. Horses seem to have a highly developed one. Humans routinely deny this until they find themselves the butt of the joke.
Thanks to technology, we believe we are more powerful. Take that away, and our limitations (bad night vision; no fangs or claws; long dependency of offspring; terrible slowness compared to, say, a cat; etc.) make us falter. One of the reasons we made a social contract with domesticated animals years ago was to "borrow" their power, speed, senses. In return, we feed them, care for them. We have broken this contract. They have not.
No animal will ever speak those dreadful words, "We have to talk."
Give thanks that your cat does not own a credit card. Aren't you sorry you do?
No animal will ever send you a Christmas card and expect one in return. Surely, the devil invented the Christmas card.
N:B - Rita Mae Brown is a novelist, a gay rights and feminist pioneer, a writer of two mystery series and an animal lover. She is an avid horse rider and lives on a farm in Virginia with cats, house dogs and a pack of fox hounds. Her latest book is "Animal Magnetism: My Life with Creatures Great and Small."
Your dog is a great food tester. If she won't eat it, you'd better not either.
No cat snores as loudly as a human.
Your cat, dog, horse or bird doesn't care if you're young or old, rich or poor, fat or thin. She loves you just as you are.
No animal has ever tortured himself by trying to be perfect.
No herd of horses or pack of hounds will ever ask you to clap your hands in unison. Nor will any animal -- even in front of a TV camera -- introduce another as "the lovely and talented ..."
Humans routinely breed past the food supply. Most animals are too smart to do this.
Some animals are monogamous. Some are not. They accept their fundamental natures. When it comes to humans, the kindest way to approach this is to understand that monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.
Animals do not pay for sex.
Animals cannot damage the water table. Humans are doing this all over the world even as you read this.
No animal is ever a hypocrite.
A cat doesn't care if another cat is black or white, so along as she catches mice.
A dog may steal from you but will never lie to you.
Given their unbelievable olfactory powers -- humans have about 6 million scent receptors; a dog has about 110 million -- your dog can smell friend or foe. Your dog knows who is sexually attracted to you and vice versa. You dog knows when you are about to have a heart attack or an epileptic seizure. They can even smell illness in you even before doctors catch wind of it (i.e. cancer). The point is, trust your dog.
You can also trust your cat concerning most of the above examples as long as you realize: Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
A dog would not allow another dog to eat if it weren't in on the hunt. In the animal world, you have to pull your weight. Dogs and cats recognize mental illness in humans. Many of them can deal with it. Many of us cannot.
Horses can work well with a physically compromised person. They are very giving animals.
We are medium-size animals who survived and then flourished by hunting in packs, by cooperation. A horse is a large animal. The journey from your mind to a horse's mind is the longest journey you will ever take.
If successful, it will be one of the strongest bonds of both of your lives, one you can never really explain to another human who has not made the journey. It is a bond of deep emotional richness.
No animal will ever correct your grammar. Given that service dogs have a vocabulary of 300 or 400 words, this shows remarkable restraint on their part.
An animal knows when she is dying. However, she does not carry around the notion of her individual death. This, I believe, is the true gap between us and other sentient creatures. It is the root of our discontent, denial and search for escape.
Personally, I believe death is a greatly overrated experience. Much of it irritates me. I know when the good Lord jerks my chain, I'm going.
Animals remember. They have some concept of the simple past, but they live triumphantly in the present. Few of us do.
Most animals have a sense of humor. Horses seem to have a highly developed one. Humans routinely deny this until they find themselves the butt of the joke.
Thanks to technology, we believe we are more powerful. Take that away, and our limitations (bad night vision; no fangs or claws; long dependency of offspring; terrible slowness compared to, say, a cat; etc.) make us falter. One of the reasons we made a social contract with domesticated animals years ago was to "borrow" their power, speed, senses. In return, we feed them, care for them. We have broken this contract. They have not.
No animal will ever speak those dreadful words, "We have to talk."
Give thanks that your cat does not own a credit card. Aren't you sorry you do?
No animal will ever send you a Christmas card and expect one in return. Surely, the devil invented the Christmas card.
N:B - Rita Mae Brown is a novelist, a gay rights and feminist pioneer, a writer of two mystery series and an animal lover. She is an avid horse rider and lives on a farm in Virginia with cats, house dogs and a pack of fox hounds. Her latest book is "Animal Magnetism: My Life with Creatures Great and Small."
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GODSISTER – THE DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE FACTOR
This chronicle was inspired by a poem I heard like two weeks ago (and you will soon read – thank you Mimidoo)! Now, apart from the fact that the poem was beautifully written, it appealed to me because it’s something I’ve seen happen over and over and over again.
The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?
Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.
Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:
1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?
2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.
Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.
P:S - enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku
PICTURE
They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew
You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.
Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately
I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends
Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.
The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?
Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.
Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:
1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?
2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.
Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.
P:S - enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku
PICTURE
They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew
You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.
Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately
I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends
Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.
Monday, October 19, 2009
EXTRATERRESTRIAL INFLUENCE
Been a while abi? I know!! Ok, so the Fairy Godsister had to leave Abuja again for the weekend. Thanks to Aero, I got a reasonably decent fare and started counting down to Friday.
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Monday, October 5, 2009
GOOD OR BAD
I did a special thing today, a very special thing I did last a while ago with my mum. This time I went with my niece and funny but from all the questions/ issues raised from the ‘thing’ we did, I felt like I was with my own child!
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
Monday, August 24, 2009
IT'S YOUR SIZE!!!!!!
Hey y'all! Did you miss me? Awww, I missed me too! I almost felt like a part of me was dying but putting pen to paper has brought that part back to life! Somebody shout halleluyah!!! Ha ha!!!
Ok, to the gist for today, I was at Marks and Spencer yesterday with a friend to buy some stuff. Naturally we strolled towards the lingerie section and boy did we feed our eyes! I must say we fed our eyes 'wisely' though, considering the global economic meltdown and stuff.....yup! Nigerian that she is, she noticed some ladies 'smiling' into a room and not to 'carry last na' (as a Wafi girl), she asked and we were told they were going in for a bra fitting. After confirming that it was free (not even 99p), we wrote our names and waited our turn. As a fairy (or in fairyland), we don't do fittings because 'those things' come perfect (naturally, eat your heart out)! I decided to still go sha, just to get the experience. Got that? Ok. Trust whites now, the ladies doing the thing were called fitness experts....dunno, I just kinda thought that was what you called people who did all the weight loss, keep-fit stuff. Anyways, in these days of titles like life coach, wellness consultant, everybody-needs-a-title, I think I'll soon start calling myself either fairy coach, fairy expert, or even fairy consultant!!!
Anyways, so the lady measured my friend two times (of course I won't tell you how) and then said she was a ....(PG)!! After telling her one or two other things about the region in question, she asked (very sweetly) if she could bring some for her to try out. She brought o, my Wafi girlfriend tried them and they were absolutely lovely......till she looked at the price tag (at this point I was reeling in laughter). She said she told the lady ''akshually*, i don't like white''. ''Oh''! The lady said, ''we stock them in different colors and specifications.....''. ''Ok, my dearest friend said, go and bring now, i'll just wait; bring one pink and one blue''. I'll end the story by saying the white lady is probably still waiting for her!!!
Moving on.....wait o, why are your eyes running to & fro this screen? Oh!! You're waiting for my own 'fitting' tale? Ok, ok, i'll tell you. She recognized my 'fairyness' & said i didn't need a fitting (duh)!
While we walked home my mind wandered to the darling country I've been hovering over for a while - 9ja (hope the editor of a certain paper doesn't see this...) and i replayed another buy-underwear-day. Again my friend and I went to the market, located the underwear section (lingerie would be too much) and voila!! ''Sister come, I get your size, my color come and see firm bra for you o, sister, oyinbo, my color, black beauty, come and buy!!
We wove through the maze, followed the least crazy looking of the guys (funny how 99percent of the people selling feminine stuff are guys....chronicle for another day) and he had a lot of beautiful stuff, really beautiful stuff.
After some small talk, he looked at her (yes, there), brought four out and they were.......wait for it....perfecto/exactment/on point! Amazing!!
Good people, John Legend said there are some things that heaven only knows......this is one of them.....have a great week!!!!
*Actually
N:B - The chronicles of the Fairy GodSister will no longer be available on facebook from the 1st of October but on my blog and select magazines. Get ready!!
Ok, to the gist for today, I was at Marks and Spencer yesterday with a friend to buy some stuff. Naturally we strolled towards the lingerie section and boy did we feed our eyes! I must say we fed our eyes 'wisely' though, considering the global economic meltdown and stuff.....yup! Nigerian that she is, she noticed some ladies 'smiling' into a room and not to 'carry last na' (as a Wafi girl), she asked and we were told they were going in for a bra fitting. After confirming that it was free (not even 99p), we wrote our names and waited our turn. As a fairy (or in fairyland), we don't do fittings because 'those things' come perfect (naturally, eat your heart out)! I decided to still go sha, just to get the experience. Got that? Ok. Trust whites now, the ladies doing the thing were called fitness experts....dunno, I just kinda thought that was what you called people who did all the weight loss, keep-fit stuff. Anyways, in these days of titles like life coach, wellness consultant, everybody-needs-a-title, I think I'll soon start calling myself either fairy coach, fairy expert, or even fairy consultant!!!
Anyways, so the lady measured my friend two times (of course I won't tell you how) and then said she was a ....(PG)!! After telling her one or two other things about the region in question, she asked (very sweetly) if she could bring some for her to try out. She brought o, my Wafi girlfriend tried them and they were absolutely lovely......till she looked at the price tag (at this point I was reeling in laughter). She said she told the lady ''akshually*, i don't like white''. ''Oh''! The lady said, ''we stock them in different colors and specifications.....''. ''Ok, my dearest friend said, go and bring now, i'll just wait; bring one pink and one blue''. I'll end the story by saying the white lady is probably still waiting for her!!!
Moving on.....wait o, why are your eyes running to & fro this screen? Oh!! You're waiting for my own 'fitting' tale? Ok, ok, i'll tell you. She recognized my 'fairyness' & said i didn't need a fitting (duh)!
While we walked home my mind wandered to the darling country I've been hovering over for a while - 9ja (hope the editor of a certain paper doesn't see this...) and i replayed another buy-underwear-day. Again my friend and I went to the market, located the underwear section (lingerie would be too much) and voila!! ''Sister come, I get your size, my color come and see firm bra for you o, sister, oyinbo, my color, black beauty, come and buy!!
We wove through the maze, followed the least crazy looking of the guys (funny how 99percent of the people selling feminine stuff are guys....chronicle for another day) and he had a lot of beautiful stuff, really beautiful stuff.
After some small talk, he looked at her (yes, there), brought four out and they were.......wait for it....perfecto/exactment/o
Good people, John Legend said there are some things that heaven only knows......this is one of them.....have a great week!!!!
*Actually
N:B - The chronicles of the Fairy GodSister will no longer be available on facebook from the 1st of October but on my blog and select magazines. Get ready!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
THE CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GOD SISTER – HOT LIQUIDS.
Up at 6.30am, say a quick prayer, skim through the pages of my bible and devotional (part of my resolution for 2009), decide to skip doing my 50 sit ups (after all, I’m late for work), and dash into the bathroom. Dash out 15mins later (not exactly sure I did justice to the issues I went in there to resolve) and then face the life-long, ever reoccurring challenge – what do I wear? 30 minutes after taking a tornado through my box and wardrobe, I’m good to go. Through the mirror I can see the pile of clothes strewn on the bed and giggle; I’ll pack them up when I get back and probably scatter them the next day.
At the office (did I mention getting a cab took almost forever cos the cab drivers wanted to build houses with the fares they were charging)? Why a cab, you might ask? Well, the Armada’s gone for servicing, the Porsche for spraying, and my sister borrowed the Chrysler for the day. Besides, once in a while I like to see how you folks get around.
Ok, back to the office. After apologizing to the guy I’m to take over from, I identify myself (and my station), and get down to work. It’s a Saturday morning so I assume the day’ll go easy. After exchanging pleasantries with the DCA I’m to be relieving, we cross talk and the n he leaves. I settle in, run a couple of adverts, I tell my listener what to expect during my shift, leave them to enjoy John Legend’s ‘heaven only knows’ and then check my duffel bag (I’m a bigz gial) for the CDs I came with. Most of those CDs are promos from either upcoming artistes or artistes who have come up. The day actually goes smoothly, I enjoy the one hour I normally flex with on Saturdays, thoroughly enjoying the calls I get, especially a little girl who calls and says 'hello aunty, please can you play circle of life (Lion King) for me'? I play it, naturally, who would say no to such a voice?
Getting home, it’s breakfast time (or brunch since its past noon) and I settle for the simplest thing, noodles and sausages. Now we all know that goes best with a really cold drink but…… ok, here’s the essence of today’s chronicle. At work I stumbled on a site that taught me something. Want to know why the Chinese have the lowest incidents of heart attacks and other related diseases? They don’t rush for cold drinks after eating – they take hot liquids! A very good article which takes two minutes to read...
Heart Attacks and Drinking Warm stuff.
This is not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water (or sprite or coke or dansa or….), maybe it is time we adopted their drinking habits while eating.
As we all know (ok, and for those of us who don’t), Myocardial infarction (MI or AMI for acute myocardial infarction), commonly known as a heart attack, occurs when the blood supply to part of the heart is interrupted causing some heart cells to die. This is most commonly due to occlusion (blockage) of a coronary artery following the rupture of a vulnerable atherosclerotic plaque, which is an unstable collection of lipids (like cholesterol) and white blood cells (especially macrophages) in the wall of an artery. The resulting ischemia (restriction in blood supply) and oxygen shortage, if left untreated for a sufficient period of time, it can cause damage and/or death (infarction) of heart muscle tissue (myocardium). You might want to read this paragraph again, I had to!
For those of us who like to drink cold water, this article is for you. It is nice to have a cold drink after a meal (especially when your tummy looked forward to the meal more than you did)! However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed thereby slowing down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. Ok, it’s not all doom but it is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
Common Symptoms of Heart Attack...
Heart attacks (or MI’s) are caused by…….time check……….time to play that advert…….the song has 11 seconds left on it, ‘93.5fm, the station on the rock that absolutely rocks, you just listened to blame it on the alcohol, lets pay some bills, don’t touch that dial’. Phew!!!! Once again, saved by the bell, symptoms will be discussed by the fairy god sister some other time (preferably when she’s not at work on the console)!
Till then, easy on the alcohol (anything for our hearts abi).
THE CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GOD SISTER – who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are? I mean, honestly, when you look in the mirror ( especially those of us who have mirrors that shamelessly tell us lies), what do you see? Someone who is ‘all that and more’? Someone who is so ‘hypertek’ you look down on everyone else? Are you the type the bible describes as having ‘an haughty look’? Do you think you are everybody rolled in one? What achievement have you made (or you think you have made) that won’t let you let others breathe? Do you walk around with puffed up shoulders, a proud demeanor and eyes so scornful you look like you’re disgusted to be on earth with ‘lesser mortals’? Do you attain a measure of success and then become inaccessible and larger than life? I mean you suddenly feel like you’re the greatest (and you’re not even Jesse Jags )! Do you look at people and the first thing that comes to your mind (however miniature) is ‘that person is below me’? Ok, pause….. Have I asked up to 21 questions yet? Cos really I could go on and on.
This chronicle was written in anger (yes, fairies get angry too)! It always hurts me when you see people who should be ‘humble’ turn out to be arrogant and then people who ordinarily have EVERYTHING to brag about are so down to earth it’s almost scary! I can bet we’ve all experienced this kind of thing, you know, the one about empty vessels making the most noise? Well, in all fairness the proud vessels are not exactly empty but they sure are noisy!
I’m also angry because today I face the reality of the fact that one of the closest friends to all of us in fairy land is dead. Hell, I thought he was playing a prank on you mortals, maybe part of a ‘come back’ strategy. But no, it’s true, he’s really gone.
Today we’re all celebrating the death of an enigma, the ‘king of pop’, the legend, maestro, and as a friend put it, ‘an era’. Michael Jackson, blab la bla (won’t say more so I don’t repeat what you already know)! What I can tell you (by privilege of being a fairy) is that he was one of the simplest people who walked the face of the earth.
We (in fairy land) loved him, hell one time when my fairy god aunt had fallen short of the fairy god fathers glory and had been summoned for punishment, she went before him, trembling, expecting to be sentenced to eternal damnation. You won’t believe, she met him ‘sliding’ (or attempting to slide) to MJ’s ‘bad’! We laughed so hard! And of course she was let off the hook.
People say we killed him, we sent an innocent man to the grave; not because of the scandals or allegations, but because we ‘over loved’ him, and expected too much from a mere human, forgetting that our several imperfections confirm our mortality. Others say he had personal demons troubling him, how else would you explain the song/video ‘Thriller’, at a time when 90% of the songs around were lovey dovey, mushy songs? Others said he was lonely, watching Jennifer Hudson perform his song this evening kind of confirmed that for me. The lines ‘will you be there when I call, in joy, sorrow’, bla bla bla. Plus, recently, I watched the ‘you are not alone’ video again and as far as I’m concerned, it was a reverse kind of song, I felt like he was singing the song to himself. And that’s whether you like it or not.
Can anyone fill his shoes, can anyone take his place? Can anyone do and be to us what he was? I know he’s looking down on the elaborate memorial service in his honor, all the love and appreciation he’s being shown now. Just makes me wonder; if he had half of this when he was alive it might just have helped him live a happier life.
From earth song, to smile, to stranger in Moscow, to thriller, you name it, the man is/was a legend. I say ‘is’ because he lives on, in my heart, and yours.
Rest in peace MJ, I hope you’re in a happier place.
THE CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GOD SISTER – DISAPPOINTMENT
Ever wanted something? Not the way you’d want a sweet or anything (except you’ve got cravings), have you ever really, I mean really wanted something? Whether you got it or not is a different thing. Let me ask – how bad did you want it? Would you give your life to get that thing? Think back about it for a second, whatever it was you wanted, was it really that important? What was it going to add to you? Ok, I gotta ask, did you get it?
Today’s chronicle deals with disappointment (and I’m not talking about something you didn’t get)! I’m looking at disappointment from the “how could you want that kind of thing” angle. That’s because recently I learned that people want/go for the wrong things, and then get awfully disappointed when they don’t get them. Let’s imagine this scenario together….imagine a 79kg, 4 feet girl wanting to strut her stuff on runways in Paris and Milan! All because she’s read some books that say, ‘if you can think it, you can be it’! Ok, ok, that’s exaggerating a wee bit but we all get what I’m talking about here!
The Fairy God Sister (in her wisdom) talked to a few people, found out stuff they wanted/ wished they could do, how that didn’t happen, and what they either settled for, or improvised with. Note that names were changed to protect the privacy of the people in this chronicle (duh)!
First story’s about a young girl. Karen became friends and subsequently fell in love with a young, good looking guy. He was everything she ever wanted: caring, witty, great sense of humor, extremely sexy, a hopeless romantic and more! There was a ‘but’, though. Guess. Yes, you’re right, he was married! Now forget the laws of karma and everything (before you all start wrinkling your noses at her), nothing happened. At least nothing ‘extra’ happened. Yes she knew he was married of course, in her own words she just didn’t think it would go that far! So here she is, wishing that somehow it’ll work between them. How?? I can hear you scream. It’s still within the boundaries of logic and rationality (or so the both of them think because…..) but like I told her, it’s only a matter of time before they get themselves in trouble! She said she’d think about it. Please join her, hold the thought, next story.
Collins wanted to be a doctor (still wants to be one to this day)! Now this lofty dream is not borne out of his innate desire to heal people, ease the sufferings of his people, or even to find the cure to AIDS or some other deadly disease. He wants to be a doctor because of the respect his elder brother commands in their village. ‘How primitive can he be’, you may be wondering, Collins doesn’t care. Don’t begrudge him o, he actually worked at it, struggling (in capital letters) through science class in secondary school, paying all sorts of odd bribes to his class and hostel mates to help with different projects and assignments. The days before JAMB were the longest days Collins ever saw, I mean, knowing he would face physics, chemistry and biology in the hall (alone) snatched sleep from his eyes. Sparing you the details of the trauma he went through on the actual exam day is only fair. The result? A total score of 160, with 72points of that belonging to English. Divide what’s left by the 3 science subjects and you’d agree the situation was (and still is) hopeless. Hopeless because, against countless advice, he’s still writing JAMB (and a number of other exams) for a multiple couple times with little or no difference to the result. ‘Collins go for an arts course now’, no! He’d always reply, ‘my dream is to be a doctor’!
Final story. A really close friend of mine is quadriplegic. She’s been that way for the past 15 years now after a ghastly motor accident where she was the sole survivor. Her name is Bella, one of those people you’d say God created on a Sunday after a great lunch and siesta! She was (still is), the definition of the word beautiful, inside and out.
Things are different now though. Every day she wishes and wills herself to die because she can’t do the one thing she wants in this life: ballet dancing, because she’s confined to bed. Once, she deceived a friend to give her an overdose and we nearly lost her. I love her like crazy and everything but she’s trying so hard, I caught myself praying once that her suicide attempts succeed, she’s so unhappy!
Three stories, all negative you might think. Three dreams, slowing but surely towing the path of nightmares. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a crime to dream, but how feasible is it? The bigger the dream the bigger the success. Succinctly said. In these days of uncertainty however, the more realistic the dream, the greater the chances of fulfillment in this lifetime.
How are these three people sorting themselves out, you might ask. Karen is taking counseling classes with the Fairy God Sister (and hopefully she’s not just attending the classes because it’s her only opportunity to meet a fairy)! Collins traveled to a certain part of this country where black gold abounds, says he heard they have special centers for exams. Bella? Well, I spoke with her before I started writing this, and I can only say it’s a good thing our lives are on loan.
Quick tip for the week: you hold the keys to your happiness, and to your sorrow. Good news is, the keys are on two separate bunches. Choose. Have a great week!
THE CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GOD SISTER – CROC CITY!
I’ve been traveling a lot recently (a friend of mine said he can’t wait for me to stop loafing or ‘breading’ around)! I don’t blame him; fairy things are too deep for mere mortals to grasp!
Anyways, I want to one of the pillars of Northern Nigeria to attend a friend’s introduction over the weekend. Talking about introductions, I was fascinated by the whole thing and I think I want to do one too. Thing is, who is going to come to be introduced to the fairy godmother and father? Who is worthy? Ha ha, discussion for another day!
Kaduna is a beautiful place o, it’s one of them somewhat ancient places that thrill me. They also are a big disappointment and I’ll explain. People say America got to where they are now after 200 years abi? Nigeria is 49, Kaduna being one of the older states would be expected to be topping the charts as far as education, health, light, water, etc go. That unfortunately, is not the case. Away from this sha, that’s gist for another day!
The last time I was in Kaduna (Croc city according to a friend of mine), I washed my hair in a regular salon for N120 and I thought that was a great deal because I’d do the same thing here in Abuja for about N600 or more! I was feeling sexy with myself till I was told that the stylist cheated me. I left my hair on purpose this time around and went to a different salon where I’m proud to announce I got the same thing done for N100! Ha ha, you can imagine the big pat on the back I gave myself.
What did I love about the place? The building (and environs) where Lord Luggard was doing his thing from (he should try coming there now na)! I also enjoyed drinking fura (even though I hear it makes you add weight in leaps and bounds)! Then of course, I ate suya so much, I’m sure I’d puke if I saw another stick!
Now, since I’m not from anywhere near these parts, I asked a couple mortals I talk with for the fun places in KD. One reoccurring name was NAF club and so I vowed I would go there! And go I did, on Saturday night. Don’t want to start a religious crisis so I’ll just say I didn’t expect to see what I saw (use your own tongue to count the rest of your own teeth)! If you’ve ever been to Ibadan, it was the regular ‘Options’ setting, just that this place is a lot more secure (try yourself na), and a lot bigger. Forgive me o, I just thank God Nigeria has not had any crisis (terrorist wise) in her air space because, if the Nigerian Air Force (NAF) were called to do the ‘Jack Bauer’ thing (24), would they be able to extricate their optical apparatus from the wriggling gargantuan posteriors of the daughters of Eve to do anything?
Back to my story. Apart from the fact that I saw a lady wearing a hooded tracksuit top into the club (Kaduna averages a temperature of 40 degrees), and some other ladies I can swear were underage, stuff went well. I won’t tell you about the ‘goings on’ I saw in several ‘dark’ corners when I decided to talk a walk, of course I won’t tell you! We (yes, me and the other fairies) were there for a while then we moved to Maharaja. Now, to me it’s either the owner is Indian, an Indian wannabe or loves the first letter of the alphabet (so many 'a's in the word)! Not bad too, upstairs, open air, with tiny bells that you depress and then a waiter appears. Not bad at all. We had a couple of drinks, loads of suya (yes sir), and then headed back to NAF. Hung out there for a while till my pager went off; the fairy godmother said it was my bedtime! So, I went back to my hotel (which I won’t name). A wonderful place o, I just giggled when I saw the rates…….. they had provisions for people who’d need a room for only two hours! Ha ha, croc city!
I’m writing this from my bed, mum says we have to leave tomorrow and I so hate that but I know we have to go! I have a secret though, I’m planning a trip back here, sometime soon. If you promise to be good this week, put a smile on someone’s face, look corruption in the eye and say no, but most importantly, rock the week like it was your last, I’ll take you!
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