THE CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GOD SISTER – CROC CITY!

I’ve been traveling a lot recently (a friend of mine said he can’t wait for me to stop loafing or ‘breading’ around)! I don’t blame him; fairy things are too deep for mere mortals to grasp!

Anyways, I want to one of the pillars of Northern Nigeria to attend a friend’s introduction over the weekend. Talking about introductions, I was fascinated by the whole thing and I think I want to do one too. Thing is, who is going to come to be introduced to the fairy godmother and father? Who is worthy? Ha ha, discussion for another day!

Kaduna is a beautiful place o, it’s one of them somewhat ancient places that thrill me. They also are a big disappointment and I’ll explain. People say America got to where they are now after 200 years abi? Nigeria is 49, Kaduna being one of the older states would be expected to be topping the charts as far as education, health, light, water, etc go. That unfortunately, is not the case. Away from this sha, that’s gist for another day!

The last time I was in Kaduna (Croc city according to a friend of mine), I washed my hair in a regular salon for N120 and I thought that was a great deal because I’d do the same thing here in Abuja for about N600 or more! I was feeling sexy with myself till I was told that the stylist cheated me. I left my hair on purpose this time around and went to a different salon where I’m proud to announce I got the same thing done for N100! Ha ha, you can imagine the big pat on the back I gave myself.

What did I love about the place? The building (and environs) where Lord Luggard was doing his thing from (he should try coming there now na)! I also enjoyed drinking fura (even though I hear it makes you add weight in leaps and bounds)! Then of course, I ate suya so much, I’m sure I’d puke if I saw another stick!

Now, since I’m not from anywhere near these parts, I asked a couple mortals I talk with for the fun places in KD. One reoccurring name was NAF club and so I vowed I would go there! And go I did, on Saturday night. Don’t want to start a religious crisis so I’ll just say I didn’t expect to see what I saw (use your own tongue to count the rest of your own teeth)! If you’ve ever been to Ibadan, it was the regular ‘Options’ setting, just that this place is a lot more secure (try yourself na), and a lot bigger. Forgive me o, I just thank God Nigeria has not had any crisis (terrorist wise) in her air space because, if the Nigerian Air Force (NAF) were called to do the ‘Jack Bauer’ thing (24), would they be able to extricate their optical apparatus from the wriggling gargantuan posteriors of the daughters of Eve to do anything?

Back to my story. Apart from the fact that I saw a lady wearing a hooded tracksuit top into the club (Kaduna averages a temperature of 40 degrees), and some other ladies I can swear were underage, stuff went well. I won’t tell you about the ‘goings on’ I saw in several ‘dark’ corners when I decided to talk a walk, of course I won’t tell you! We (yes, me and the other fairies) were there for a while then we moved to Maharaja. Now, to me it’s either the owner is Indian, an Indian wannabe or loves the first letter of the alphabet (so many 'a's in the word)! Not bad too, upstairs, open air, with tiny bells that you depress and then a waiter appears. Not bad at all. We had a couple of drinks, loads of suya (yes sir), and then headed back to NAF. Hung out there for a while till my pager went off; the fairy godmother said it was my bedtime! So, I went back to my hotel (which I won’t name). A wonderful place o, I just giggled when I saw the rates…….. they had provisions for people who’d need a room for only two hours! Ha ha, croc city!

I’m writing this from my bed, mum says we have to leave tomorrow and I so hate that but I know we have to go! I have a secret though, I’m planning a trip back here, sometime soon. If you promise to be good this week, put a smile on someone’s face, look corruption in the eye and say no, but most importantly, rock the week like it was your last, I’ll take you!