This chronicle was inspired by a poem I heard like two weeks ago (and you will soon read – thank you Mimidoo)! Now, apart from the fact that the poem was beautifully written, it appealed to me because it’s something I’ve seen happen over and over and over again.
The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?
Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.
Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:
1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?
2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.
Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.
P:S - enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku
PICTURE
They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew
You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.
Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately
I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends
Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
EXTRATERRESTRIAL INFLUENCE
Been a while abi? I know!! Ok, so the Fairy Godsister had to leave Abuja again for the weekend. Thanks to Aero, I got a reasonably decent fare and started counting down to Friday.
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Monday, October 5, 2009
GOOD OR BAD
I did a special thing today, a very special thing I did last a while ago with my mum. This time I went with my niece and funny but from all the questions/ issues raised from the ‘thing’ we did, I felt like I was with my own child!
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
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