I’m at JAM and against my better judgment, I’m writing. Ok, the reason for this chronicle is simple – every other day I’m chronicling some horrible trip, funny experience, harrowing date, whatever. How about I take you through JAM (especially if you couldn’t make it)?
Ok, so we started with an opening prayer and the person leading made everyone say a prayer for Nigeria (extremely necessary if you ask me)! Let me digress (but only if you want to see it as that); it’s always amazing what House on The Rock does with Eagles Square every time they use it for JAM. The sound was solid (even though there were some issues with it as the night wore on); and the lighting was so rich I could literally touch it from where I sat! JAM is in its ninth year and I must say that it gets better with each year; there was even provision for live satellite viewing this year!!
Away from aesthetics, first ministration was by a crew called Keruzo Dance theatre. Beautiful well coordinated steps, their energy was palpable. I also liked the little skit they did with Nigeria and Ezekiel 37 before their main performance. I just feel that they would have been on point (for lack of a better expression) if they were less on a stage already cramped by instruments, décor and a scrambling camera crew.
After them we had another prayer session led by a Prophetess (don’t remember her name, I just know she’s really elegant, almost regal). Guess for whom? If you said anything close to the ‘most populous black nation’, head to the medals table!
To lift our spirits, Mc Abbey took to the stage and boy, he’s good! Who said comedy must be dirty? Mc Abbey you rock abeg! And I’ll leave it at that (for now).
Time check, 10pm; it’s getting better by the minute! Solomon Lange came next, he was just great! And I must say that it’s a great relief that Nigerian artistes are learning to perform live (and not just mime through their title tracks). Lange ran through some popular Hausa praise songs and I thoroughly enjoyed picking my brain to remember some of the songs I knew from way back. By the time he got to ‘Na Gode’, I was blown away (let me say now that I was ‘blown away’ many times tonight’)! Fast forward to the tears that rushed down my eyes when Jamaican born, multi award winning Chevelle Franklin led us in a rendition of the National Anthem – that was the clincher for me, the kiss of my life! Are you one of those people who get goose bumps when you hear the National Anthem? I don’t know about you o but I really do love Nigeria.
Ok, in fast forwarding I didn’t mention that Kefee and Jahdiel ministered. Beautiful outfits and performances a la both ladies. For Kefee, the ‘leave when the ovation is loudest couldn’t be more true’ (anytime after Branama would have been great; and was that guy seriously supposed to do Timaya’s part of Kokoroko)? Seriously?
For Jahdiel, if you want to sing and dance trado, me thinks you should dress the part. The glitterati + knee length boots ensemble didn’t do it for me (I’m sorry). And yes, how about a performance CD?
Muyiwa Olanrewaju (all the way from the UK) blew us away (those of us who could keep up with the songs that is). He however said something that touched me, deeply. He said he spoke with the Archbishop of the Anglican community in Jos about the recent genocide there and the Cleric said, “23 years ago, my church was burnt down; 23 years after, it’s still happening”. Let’s take a minute to remember all the lives that we’ve lost in Jos; May their souls rest in perfect peace, amen.
Ok, can I say again that Mc Abbey is totally awesome and I’m all for clean comedy? The thing about God being ‘Jehovah El Effizy: the God of all swagger’ was just it! And I won’t even get started on ‘the fact that someone has big eyes doesn’t mean the person’s an overseer. If not, Segun Arinze would…..
And did I mention that a certain sister, in charge of Sister Sister, was the host for the night? If you're a true sister you should know this sister!! Yay!!!
The Tehilah Company (House on The Rock Choir) did what they do best – bring down the presence of God! I admire the passion and energy they bring every time they minister, it can only come from deep inside. Still on ministrations, David Baroni’s from Nashville, USA) worship session was one I want to relive over and over again!
Chevelle Franklin, she took it out of the park! Wow! She sang songs like ‘I have a very big God o’, ‘I have a father that can never fail me’, and a couple other Naija tunes but with the distinct Jamaican flavor. Then she led us in a beautiful session of worship that made me feel like we had joined the angels and twenty elders around the throne. Micah Stampley took it up a notch (and I thought we were riding the crest already)! From worship song to worship song, every part of me was….wait for it….blown away!
Men of God present included Bishops David Abioye (my bishop) and John Praise, Pastors David Porter, Goodheart Ekwueme, Paul Eneche, and Paul Adefarasin. According to Pastor Paul, the men of God in the congregation exceeded the ones recognized, and I agree with him because even I cannot remember all the ones recognized!
I must say I thoroughly enjoyed Pastor Paul’s message based on Exodus 1:7; the story about the birth of Moses and how he ended up being raised by Pharaoh’s daughter. I also liked the fact that he moved away from the message to discuss the problems our nation is facing. We are the salt of the earth abi? The message was so fiery I could literally taste the salt! Did I mention that I enjoyed learning new words too? Wink wink!
When he was going to blow the Ram’s horn, I had that take-off-your-shoes-cos-you’re-standing-on-holy-ground feeling; it felt so sacred, especially with all the ministers standing on the stage with him! And the prophesies? I haven’t said so many ‘amens’ in a while! Now the Ram’s horn is originally translated from the Hebrew word shofar, which has been used from Old Testament times right to the present. It was blown on the Sabbath, it announced the New Moon, and was used to proclaim the crowning of a new king (a ceremony still used today at the swearing in of a new Israeli president). The most solemn modern use of the shofar is during the Rosh Hashana, or New Year’s.
Papa San’s ministration was unique in the sense that we didn’t understand a word of it, except stuff like ‘push em up’, and ‘we love you’. I strongly believe that he brought the ‘club’ in everyone. No see dance steps o! And I’ll leave it at that.
Big D (Muyiwa Olanrewaju’s baby brother), and his unique praise band led us in a blazing session of praise and then the ‘Wamilele wonder’, Pastor Kingsley Ike, took over! Oh my God! We danced, and danced, and danced!!! And then of course, we had to go home (it was 6am already)!
Next year’s JAM, 11th March. Do not miss it…because the Fairy God Sister said so!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
CHRONCLES OF THE FAIRY GODSISTER – THE STORY.
When I was told to do something for Christmas and the New Year, I kind of went blank….and that doesn’t happen every time. Want to know why I went blank? There was nothing Christmassy in the air; nothing particularly exciting to look forward to in the New Year too. Personally, I think there’s no love in the air; if there was people wouldn’t be killing others, there’s no fear; if there was people wouldn’t be kidnapping people almost twice their age (or young enough to be their children)! There’s no peace, if there was we wouldn’t have seen the Jos, Haram, and Bauchi crises of last year, heck, we’ve moved beyond inter religious crises to fighting within our sects! There’s no integrity; if there was our leaders wouldn’t loot our country’s resources like they were dropped into a field and commanded to harvest!
Amidst all of these, 2009 was a most interesting year for everyone, abi? We all have things to be grateful for. Start from the fact that we’re alive and had the opportunity to gorge ourselves on Christmas feasts and then of course, resolve to lose weight from January 1st! Move on to the fact that you’ve got family (or people you can truly refer to as family) and that they love you and are there for you (no matter how many times you disagree)!
One step further, we can be grateful for the friends we have…..the ones that are true to us and even the ratty ones that bite and blow on our toes….what would life be without them?
I won’t mention rather mundane things like jobs, cash, etc (even though we should be grateful for them too). I say this because God, life, family, and friends are the pillars on which everything else rests… but I bet you already knew that.
Ok, so this is my story (and it’s not even based on the overused but rarely understood ‘reason for the season’ cliché). The Fairy GodFather’s lecturer in Fairy school said that to properly define a thing, you must first establish what it is not. So, my story is not about new clothes, shoes, breaking your piggy bank and rewarding yourself with some random gift (however expensive), it’s not about trips to the village, exotic places; it’s not even about happy reunions with our families and loved ones.
My story is about stocktaking. It is about usefulness. It is about productivity (and don’t you dare say I’m getting all motivational on you, cos I’m not)! I read when the purpose for being awake is not known, sleep becomes interesting (now that was from a motivational speech). What I really want to ask/say is, how useful were you to yourself in 2009? Can you honestly say you achieved your purpose for the year? If you were asked to take stock of your 2009, would you be able to (in other words, would there be any ‘stocks’ to take)? Did you get that certification, make that trip, call that friend, get married, go to school, do that thing you’ve been planning to do?
It’s important to evaluate (and I’m not talking about bankers sitting down, sipping coffee and telling stories); I’m talking about you sitting down with yourself to ask yourself these three questions (and their flipsides):
1. What did I set out to achieve in 2009 (and did I achieve them)?
2. How did I achieve them (why didn’t I achieve them)?
3. How do I raise the bar this year (how do I ensure I don’t repeat last years mistakes)?
If you can truthfully answer these questions, you’re on the sure road to a super duper 2010. And I am going to leave it like that.
That said, lets move on to things like, I hope you had a swell break, you had a great time with your friends, family, etc. I hope you had lots to eat, drink, and be merry with and I most sincerely hope you spared a thought (and a little action too) for people less privileged than you are.
So, I hope you liked my story. The truth however remains that only you can tell the best stories, and this year the stories will (must) revolve around your success! And the Fairy GodSister promises to watch.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Amidst all of these, 2009 was a most interesting year for everyone, abi? We all have things to be grateful for. Start from the fact that we’re alive and had the opportunity to gorge ourselves on Christmas feasts and then of course, resolve to lose weight from January 1st! Move on to the fact that you’ve got family (or people you can truly refer to as family) and that they love you and are there for you (no matter how many times you disagree)!
One step further, we can be grateful for the friends we have…..the ones that are true to us and even the ratty ones that bite and blow on our toes….what would life be without them?
I won’t mention rather mundane things like jobs, cash, etc (even though we should be grateful for them too). I say this because God, life, family, and friends are the pillars on which everything else rests… but I bet you already knew that.
Ok, so this is my story (and it’s not even based on the overused but rarely understood ‘reason for the season’ cliché). The Fairy GodFather’s lecturer in Fairy school said that to properly define a thing, you must first establish what it is not. So, my story is not about new clothes, shoes, breaking your piggy bank and rewarding yourself with some random gift (however expensive), it’s not about trips to the village, exotic places; it’s not even about happy reunions with our families and loved ones.
My story is about stocktaking. It is about usefulness. It is about productivity (and don’t you dare say I’m getting all motivational on you, cos I’m not)! I read when the purpose for being awake is not known, sleep becomes interesting (now that was from a motivational speech). What I really want to ask/say is, how useful were you to yourself in 2009? Can you honestly say you achieved your purpose for the year? If you were asked to take stock of your 2009, would you be able to (in other words, would there be any ‘stocks’ to take)? Did you get that certification, make that trip, call that friend, get married, go to school, do that thing you’ve been planning to do?
It’s important to evaluate (and I’m not talking about bankers sitting down, sipping coffee and telling stories); I’m talking about you sitting down with yourself to ask yourself these three questions (and their flipsides):
1. What did I set out to achieve in 2009 (and did I achieve them)?
2. How did I achieve them (why didn’t I achieve them)?
3. How do I raise the bar this year (how do I ensure I don’t repeat last years mistakes)?
If you can truthfully answer these questions, you’re on the sure road to a super duper 2010. And I am going to leave it like that.
That said, lets move on to things like, I hope you had a swell break, you had a great time with your friends, family, etc. I hope you had lots to eat, drink, and be merry with and I most sincerely hope you spared a thought (and a little action too) for people less privileged than you are.
So, I hope you liked my story. The truth however remains that only you can tell the best stories, and this year the stories will (must) revolve around your success! And the Fairy GodSister promises to watch.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GODSISTER - DO THEY KNOW.....
Ok, so Chico and I went to visit Eddie, and we met him watching a blockbuster starring Audu and Zel, doing what they do! We tried to pry him away from the movie but as journalists would say, 'all efforts proved abortive'!
Ok, since we couldn't get him to listen to us, Chico called Koko (cos she's got the magic) and true to word, as soon as she stepped into the room, Eddie paused the movie! 'Finally we can start our meeting', I said.
What were we meeting about? The 'Do They Know It's Christmas event. I mean, we know it's Christmas but do 'they' know? How will orphans, the destitute, prisoners, etc spend/celebrate Christmas? Is it going to be just another day on the calendar (and 25th this year is a Friday so they might not even eat rice.....for you mortals in the 'eat-rice-only-on-Sunday-afternoon families)! now, if your phone 'suddenly' started ringing, you suddenly want to pee, or you have this burning desire to leave your screen so you don't see the rest of this, you're an........alaroro!
Ok guys, seriously. Do They Know has over the past few years held events to celebrate with people who cannot do so on their own. This Christmas, we (you and me) are doing it for orphans and vulnerable kids. This is how we are going to do it.
1. DO THEY KNOW COCKTALE. Holds on the 13th of December (Sunday) by 6pm @ Aqua Club, Sheraton Hotel...it promises to be a night you won't forget (except you do vodka, tequila, gin, and schnapps immediately after)! We have performances by the finest - M.I, Jags, Lindsey, Ice Prince, Inspirologos, El Jo, you name it, they'll be there! There'll also be an auction with lots of twists only Chocolate city can bring. Tickets go for 5k (for one), 50k (for five), and 100k (for 10 but we wouldn't mind if you came alone)!
2. DO THEY KNOW CHRISTMAS PARTY! Holds on the 19th of December (Saturday) at Durban Neighborhood park Wuse 2 (the park housing Oriental Express). Children from eight orphanages will be brought to this park to have fun, play, eat and.....wait for it....receive/gifts wrapped in the traditional green and red Christmas colors!
Sounds like a lot of work abi? I know, that's why we all need to pitch in!
a. bloggers - lets write, talk, 'create the buzz' (White Rabbit's favorite phrase)
b. On Air Personalities - hype o! Please hype on your shows, morning, afternoon, night!
c. Journalists - 'the pen is mightier than the sword' abi? Lets see you guys do your thing!
d. 'Upwardly mobile peeps' - show your swagger by buying tickets for your friends, family, loved ones, enemies, even for Mr. President! (my way of saying I hope he gets better soon)...
e. Bankers, students, Priests, Imams, shop owners (and managers), moms, dads, kids, everyone can do something.
Abuja, Lagos, Nigeria, STAND UP! LETS TELL THEM IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
P:S -did I tell you that while we were at Eddies, Matilda and Debbie brought us drinks? And our darling Iember took us back to our homes...... thanks guys!
Ok, since we couldn't get him to listen to us, Chico called Koko (cos she's got the magic) and true to word, as soon as she stepped into the room, Eddie paused the movie! 'Finally we can start our meeting', I said.
What were we meeting about? The 'Do They Know It's Christmas event. I mean, we know it's Christmas but do 'they' know? How will orphans, the destitute, prisoners, etc spend/celebrate Christmas? Is it going to be just another day on the calendar (and 25th this year is a Friday so they might not even eat rice.....for you mortals in the 'eat-rice-only-on-Sunday-afternoon families)! now, if your phone 'suddenly' started ringing, you suddenly want to pee, or you have this burning desire to leave your screen so you don't see the rest of this, you're an........alaroro!
Ok guys, seriously. Do They Know has over the past few years held events to celebrate with people who cannot do so on their own. This Christmas, we (you and me) are doing it for orphans and vulnerable kids. This is how we are going to do it.
1. DO THEY KNOW COCKTALE. Holds on the 13th of December (Sunday) by 6pm @ Aqua Club, Sheraton Hotel...it promises to be a night you won't forget (except you do vodka, tequila, gin, and schnapps immediately after)! We have performances by the finest - M.I, Jags, Lindsey, Ice Prince, Inspirologos, El Jo, you name it, they'll be there! There'll also be an auction with lots of twists only Chocolate city can bring. Tickets go for 5k (for one), 50k (for five), and 100k (for 10 but we wouldn't mind if you came alone)!
2. DO THEY KNOW CHRISTMAS PARTY! Holds on the 19th of December (Saturday) at Durban Neighborhood park Wuse 2 (the park housing Oriental Express). Children from eight orphanages will be brought to this park to have fun, play, eat and.....wait for it....receive/gifts wrapped in the traditional green and red Christmas colors!
Sounds like a lot of work abi? I know, that's why we all need to pitch in!
a. bloggers - lets write, talk, 'create the buzz' (White Rabbit's favorite phrase)
b. On Air Personalities - hype o! Please hype on your shows, morning, afternoon, night!
c. Journalists - 'the pen is mightier than the sword' abi? Lets see you guys do your thing!
d. 'Upwardly mobile peeps' - show your swagger by buying tickets for your friends, family, loved ones, enemies, even for Mr. President! (my way of saying I hope he gets better soon)...
e. Bankers, students, Priests, Imams, shop owners (and managers), moms, dads, kids, everyone can do something.
Abuja, Lagos, Nigeria, STAND UP! LETS TELL THEM IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
P:S -did I tell you that while we were at Eddies, Matilda and Debbie brought us drinks? And our darling Iember took us back to our homes...... thanks guys!
Friday, November 6, 2009
why animals are as good as (if not better) than humans..
Ok, the following facts are courtesy Rita Mae Brown, I saw them on CNN's website, and as the Fairy Godsister (who is almost extremely fond of animals), I decided you should see it.....ok?
Your dog is a great food tester. If she won't eat it, you'd better not either.
No cat snores as loudly as a human.
Your cat, dog, horse or bird doesn't care if you're young or old, rich or poor, fat or thin. She loves you just as you are.
No animal has ever tortured himself by trying to be perfect.
No herd of horses or pack of hounds will ever ask you to clap your hands in unison. Nor will any animal -- even in front of a TV camera -- introduce another as "the lovely and talented ..."
Humans routinely breed past the food supply. Most animals are too smart to do this.
Some animals are monogamous. Some are not. They accept their fundamental natures. When it comes to humans, the kindest way to approach this is to understand that monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.
Animals do not pay for sex.
Animals cannot damage the water table. Humans are doing this all over the world even as you read this.
No animal is ever a hypocrite.
A cat doesn't care if another cat is black or white, so along as she catches mice.
A dog may steal from you but will never lie to you.
Given their unbelievable olfactory powers -- humans have about 6 million scent receptors; a dog has about 110 million -- your dog can smell friend or foe. Your dog knows who is sexually attracted to you and vice versa. You dog knows when you are about to have a heart attack or an epileptic seizure. They can even smell illness in you even before doctors catch wind of it (i.e. cancer). The point is, trust your dog.
You can also trust your cat concerning most of the above examples as long as you realize: Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
A dog would not allow another dog to eat if it weren't in on the hunt. In the animal world, you have to pull your weight. Dogs and cats recognize mental illness in humans. Many of them can deal with it. Many of us cannot.
Horses can work well with a physically compromised person. They are very giving animals.
We are medium-size animals who survived and then flourished by hunting in packs, by cooperation. A horse is a large animal. The journey from your mind to a horse's mind is the longest journey you will ever take.
If successful, it will be one of the strongest bonds of both of your lives, one you can never really explain to another human who has not made the journey. It is a bond of deep emotional richness.
No animal will ever correct your grammar. Given that service dogs have a vocabulary of 300 or 400 words, this shows remarkable restraint on their part.
An animal knows when she is dying. However, she does not carry around the notion of her individual death. This, I believe, is the true gap between us and other sentient creatures. It is the root of our discontent, denial and search for escape.
Personally, I believe death is a greatly overrated experience. Much of it irritates me. I know when the good Lord jerks my chain, I'm going.
Animals remember. They have some concept of the simple past, but they live triumphantly in the present. Few of us do.
Most animals have a sense of humor. Horses seem to have a highly developed one. Humans routinely deny this until they find themselves the butt of the joke.
Thanks to technology, we believe we are more powerful. Take that away, and our limitations (bad night vision; no fangs or claws; long dependency of offspring; terrible slowness compared to, say, a cat; etc.) make us falter. One of the reasons we made a social contract with domesticated animals years ago was to "borrow" their power, speed, senses. In return, we feed them, care for them. We have broken this contract. They have not.
No animal will ever speak those dreadful words, "We have to talk."
Give thanks that your cat does not own a credit card. Aren't you sorry you do?
No animal will ever send you a Christmas card and expect one in return. Surely, the devil invented the Christmas card.
N:B - Rita Mae Brown is a novelist, a gay rights and feminist pioneer, a writer of two mystery series and an animal lover. She is an avid horse rider and lives on a farm in Virginia with cats, house dogs and a pack of fox hounds. Her latest book is "Animal Magnetism: My Life with Creatures Great and Small."
Your dog is a great food tester. If she won't eat it, you'd better not either.
No cat snores as loudly as a human.
Your cat, dog, horse or bird doesn't care if you're young or old, rich or poor, fat or thin. She loves you just as you are.
No animal has ever tortured himself by trying to be perfect.
No herd of horses or pack of hounds will ever ask you to clap your hands in unison. Nor will any animal -- even in front of a TV camera -- introduce another as "the lovely and talented ..."
Humans routinely breed past the food supply. Most animals are too smart to do this.
Some animals are monogamous. Some are not. They accept their fundamental natures. When it comes to humans, the kindest way to approach this is to understand that monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.
Animals do not pay for sex.
Animals cannot damage the water table. Humans are doing this all over the world even as you read this.
No animal is ever a hypocrite.
A cat doesn't care if another cat is black or white, so along as she catches mice.
A dog may steal from you but will never lie to you.
Given their unbelievable olfactory powers -- humans have about 6 million scent receptors; a dog has about 110 million -- your dog can smell friend or foe. Your dog knows who is sexually attracted to you and vice versa. You dog knows when you are about to have a heart attack or an epileptic seizure. They can even smell illness in you even before doctors catch wind of it (i.e. cancer). The point is, trust your dog.
You can also trust your cat concerning most of the above examples as long as you realize: Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
A dog would not allow another dog to eat if it weren't in on the hunt. In the animal world, you have to pull your weight. Dogs and cats recognize mental illness in humans. Many of them can deal with it. Many of us cannot.
Horses can work well with a physically compromised person. They are very giving animals.
We are medium-size animals who survived and then flourished by hunting in packs, by cooperation. A horse is a large animal. The journey from your mind to a horse's mind is the longest journey you will ever take.
If successful, it will be one of the strongest bonds of both of your lives, one you can never really explain to another human who has not made the journey. It is a bond of deep emotional richness.
No animal will ever correct your grammar. Given that service dogs have a vocabulary of 300 or 400 words, this shows remarkable restraint on their part.
An animal knows when she is dying. However, she does not carry around the notion of her individual death. This, I believe, is the true gap between us and other sentient creatures. It is the root of our discontent, denial and search for escape.
Personally, I believe death is a greatly overrated experience. Much of it irritates me. I know when the good Lord jerks my chain, I'm going.
Animals remember. They have some concept of the simple past, but they live triumphantly in the present. Few of us do.
Most animals have a sense of humor. Horses seem to have a highly developed one. Humans routinely deny this until they find themselves the butt of the joke.
Thanks to technology, we believe we are more powerful. Take that away, and our limitations (bad night vision; no fangs or claws; long dependency of offspring; terrible slowness compared to, say, a cat; etc.) make us falter. One of the reasons we made a social contract with domesticated animals years ago was to "borrow" their power, speed, senses. In return, we feed them, care for them. We have broken this contract. They have not.
No animal will ever speak those dreadful words, "We have to talk."
Give thanks that your cat does not own a credit card. Aren't you sorry you do?
No animal will ever send you a Christmas card and expect one in return. Surely, the devil invented the Christmas card.
N:B - Rita Mae Brown is a novelist, a gay rights and feminist pioneer, a writer of two mystery series and an animal lover. She is an avid horse rider and lives on a farm in Virginia with cats, house dogs and a pack of fox hounds. Her latest book is "Animal Magnetism: My Life with Creatures Great and Small."
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
CHRONICLES OF THE FAIRY GODSISTER – THE DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE FACTOR
This chronicle was inspired by a poem I heard like two weeks ago (and you will soon read – thank you Mimidoo)! Now, apart from the fact that the poem was beautifully written, it appealed to me because it’s something I’ve seen happen over and over and over again.
The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?
Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.
Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:
1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?
2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.
Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.
P:S - enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku
PICTURE
They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew
You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.
Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately
I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends
Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.
The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?
Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.
Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:
1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?
2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.
Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.
P:S - enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku
PICTURE
They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew
You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.
Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately
I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends
Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.
Monday, October 19, 2009
EXTRATERRESTRIAL INFLUENCE
Been a while abi? I know!! Ok, so the Fairy Godsister had to leave Abuja again for the weekend. Thanks to Aero, I got a reasonably decent fare and started counting down to Friday.
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong willed mind of their own!
Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!
The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” ('have to' being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.
Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!
Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame the airline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?
Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!
Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!
Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!
To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man's phone catches fire as he disembarks from Aero's flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!
Have a good week people, I insist!
Monday, October 5, 2009
GOOD OR BAD
I did a special thing today, a very special thing I did last a while ago with my mum. This time I went with my niece and funny but from all the questions/ issues raised from the ‘thing’ we did, I felt like I was with my own child!
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
The thing we did was visit an orphanage. At this time of my life where carrying kids gives me a lot of pleasure (especially since I can return them to their mothers if they cry)! As we opened the door to the nursery, two baby girls cooed and waddled towards us. ‘Carry me’, one of them smiled and raised her hands. Of course I carried her!
It was lunch time and the kids were being fed noodles and sardines (see groove o)! Two nannies, trying to feed eight children, it was as funny as it was semi-chaotic! Some kids wanted to eat, others wanted to cry, others wanted to play, others wanted to be carried, and one particular chubby one just wanted to suck her thumb!
I had a great time o, really did, it was just a very emotional experience, especially when we had to leave and one particular kid kept saying, ‘cayi me’. All I could think of was, ‘if there were no abandoned kids, would we need orphanages’? I’m asking that again because the truth is the few orphanages around are stretched, meaning that they have more ‘abandoned kids’ than they can cater for! Its’ really sad, really sad.
Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting it. Causes include many social and cultural factors as well as mental illness. An abandoned child is called a foundling or throwaway.
Historically, many cultures practice abandonment of infants, called "exposure." Although such children would survive if taken up by others, exposure is often considered a form of infanticide -- as described by Tertullian in his Apology: "it is certainly the more cruel way to kill. . . by exposure to cold and hunger and dogs."
Enough history, quick question: should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? Before you answer, which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Do you have your answers? Fine, run through these scenarios with me will you please?
One. A woman, pregnant for her 2nd child, goes for a scan and it reveals that for some reason her baby is one of the percentage that’ll be born with Down’s syndrome (or any one of those rare but very tasking ailments). We all know what that is, we know it has no cure, and we know what the child will be and the difficulties he/ she will encounter all their life.
Two. A young girl, maybe 15, is molested by her uncle/brother, father (who ever), and finds out she’s pregnant.
Three. A homely, somewhat goody-two-shoes kind of lady is raped, maybe during a robbery, or on her way home from work or something (and we all know that for some crazy reason, ‘one touch that time na goal’)!
Four. Undergrad chic has a boyfie, we all know how these things go, peck today, kiss tomorrow, smooch the next,……… and all of a sudden they’re looking under beds and in cupboards because she can’t ‘find’ her period!
Five. This one is a little difficult but a little popular too: a couple, wife sells boiled groundnut, husband is a mechanic in one remote place where the only cars are seen around Christmas time! They have like five kids (definitely not planned for), and the lady gets pregnant again (funnily ‘these people are the most fertile have you noticed) and then the scan says she’s carrying four? Or maybe the scan shows one and she gives birth to the one but the doctors see another head, and another, and another…till she has four?
Let’s try answering the same questions again shall we? Should we blame our mothers for abandoning their kids? And which do you think is the lesser of the two evils, abortion, or abandonment? Now answer, and both questions.
Whatever you think, there is no excuse under heaven for abandoning a child (and getting an abortion either). No matter the circumstances under which the child was conceived, there is no excuse (and trust me we’re not even talking morals here). It’s a special privilege to be a party to making a baby, trivializing that privilege is a slap on the face of the Creator and by extension, on the fairies too!
Ladies and gentlemen, you can either handle it or you can’t. Sorting that out before you do the ‘huckle buckle’, ‘hee haw’, tumble in the hay’, roll in the sack’, or whatever it is you call it, will save you, your partner and everyone else a lot of problems.
Be guided.
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